Ever since my dad moved in I’ve been wondering what will happen to me, to him, to my life with my husband and beyond. Some days I get very sad about all of it. I’m sad because my dad’s health is in decline and because getting older is tough. I’m sad because instead of delighting in raising a family of my own, I am steadfast with my father knowing that one day will be our goodbye. I’m sad because while I live in this small world of everyday activities and errands, I have friends who I never see and friends who never call on me just to ask me how I’m doing. They all have excuses not to reach out because they all have families of their own but I guess that doesn’t necessarily make it okay. It’s just the way it is. I get bummed out about the whole thing and then other days it doesn’t bother me a bit. I tell myself it’s fine because I have everything I need right here. I have my husband, my dad, our dogs, my daily routine, my work and I even have my dad’s cat here to fill my time. Those days are the easy days for me. I wish for those days every time my head starts to hurt and my neck and shoulders tense up from stress. My husband and I were always the ones reaching out to plan get togethers with friends and family but I have reached the point of exhaustion and I no longer care to here the word no more often than not when we do try to plan something. I miss all the things about being surrounded by everyone I know and love. I miss knowing that I could call a friend at a moment’s notice and swing by to say hello. I even feel angry sometimes that all my friends with families of their own seem to forget that there will always be a pang of sadness inside me when I see them with their families. I am not writing all of this stuff to bum anyone out. My words are only musings that form in the in between moments of the day when the world gets quiet and I start to think too much. My inner self is a worrier. My outer self is a dynamic goof ball hell bent on having…

I was thinking this morning about travel and how when I was younger I wanted to travel any and everywhere for work as much as possible. I still love to travel for work but now I find as I age, I am more selective and my desire to combine work and travel has waned. I have shifted into wanting to travel for pleasure and time away. Of course I do make exceptions for clients I love and once in a lifetime occasions to shoot in places like Santorini. The Kugler family fall into that category of clients I love and it has become our unspoken agreement to trade off every year photographing in San Diego and Orange County. This was a San Diego year and knowing how much this family loves outdoors and nature settings we chose Marian Bear Park for an early morning session. I like to joke that I am a “lazy” photographer and will utilize a small area of space to create a variety of images. Truthfully, certain locations can be daunting with children in tow and I like to keep thing easy on everyone. Marian Bear is a gorgeous spot that can mean hiking in and discovering a beautiful clearing but then again offering up a hike to clients in their nice clothes isn’t always the perfect fit. My joke this year was that this family made that parking lot look good! Now that I’ve divulged all my secrets, tell me what you think! I just love this family and it’s a gift every time they call me up for another session.