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Stacey & Jeanne Engaged! – San Diego & LGBTQ Engagement Photography

I am just getting this post in before Pride month is over. Jesse and I fly our Pride flag proudly every year in support of friends, family, loved ones and all of those we have yet to meet. We believe in a world that is inclusive and welcoming so you can imagine my excitement when my friend Amanda, amazing coordinator at Sassy Little Bee, referred these lovely ladies to me. I knew from our first meeting that I wanted to work with them. We made snide remarks about the poor treatment we received at a coffee shop that will remain anonymous and I found them to be kindred spirits on the topics of hot flashes, menopause & scooters. My claim to fame is that I had the unfortunate luck of going through menopause in my 30’s so now I make jokes that I can guide all newcomers to this “condition” known as being woman. Needless to say, I loved them from the start and was elated to be chosen as their photographer. They wanted to keep their session simple so they opted to stay close to home and have photos taken at their local park as well as at home with all their fur babies. And of course, we featured them on one of their super rad Vespa scooters! I am so honored to be part of this big day coming up in September. I know it will be just as easy and full of smiles as their engagement session.

The days have been gray around here lately. June gloom is lingering this year. I find the sunshine really does enhance my mood and all this cloudiness is really bringing me down. My dad has started doing weirder things because of his dementia. Most recently he’s been throwing his daily pills into his glass of water so you have to monitor his every move from the moment you hand over his meds. I’m finding myself without any patience and wanting to get away from him. Working helps bring me up but the dark cloud hangs over me as soon as I walk in the door. It’s a bad week this week and I’m not sure how to move through this funk. I am really hoping for a miracle and that somehow a room in assisted living will open and we can move on to the next chapter. Not quite the intro one would expect to introduce this fun and sweet family session but as I have made a promise to myself to bring a little more of myself into this blog, it is what it is. My take away from this post is that I am lucky to have repeat clients. Clients that force me to work and to forget even if for a short while that this thing I have taken on isn’t the end of the world. These are the clients that remind me that I am still my own person and that I do have more to give outside of all this stuff with my dad. Thank goodness for these people.

The sun is out today and I always find it easier to get through the days with my dad. We’ve had more overcast days here lately than usual and it’s feels like I’m moving through mud when the sun doesn’t shine. I consider today to be a pretty good day. Nothing crazy going on but I got the chance to go to my barre class this morning, acupuncture for myself and my dad, dog park and ride on the scooter with my dad in tow to get a few errands checked off the list. Now that my afternoon is free I thought I might take the time to play blog catch up again. This family came to me through a referral. I share a mutual friend with Lisa, she was my point of contact for the session and she shared with me her excitement for all her family visiting from Chicago. The only thing I knew was that I would be photographing a group of 13 and that they had rented a place in Rancho Santa Fe that could accommodate everyone. What I didn’t know is that I would be meeting a group of people full of life, love, energy and a willingness to allow me to photograph them. I also didn’t know that the Airbnb they had booked was amazing! We started with the whole group and gave priority to the grandparents so they could sit back and relax during the rest of my time shooting. I could tell at the beginning of the shoot that the family shared a little concern for getting all the shots they wanted. This happens a lot with big groups. I get it. They don’t all know me and it’s hard to see how one person is going to suffice with all their requests. Not to mention they have no idea where my head is at and what I am planning on doing. I always go into every shoot knowing that I will get the “safe” shots and the happy smile at the camera photos. While these are not the most fun for me to take, they are always crowd pleasers. The exciting part for me comes when I get home and can send same day previews to the family. This is when they realize my whole vision and that perhaps they light up when they can actually see some of the more…

As my dad continues to progress with his dementia, I find my time is divided more than ever. The delicate balance between caring for him, work and making sure I still maintain some sort of social life is a juggle. The times I am working always bring me back to myself and I remember how grateful I am to be able to do this job. This job has also brought new friends to me and that includes Rob and Julianne. I first met them when I second shoot their wedding just about forever ago. They were referred to me by their wedding photographer, also a friend of mine, when they were pregnant with their first son. Over the years I have photographed them more than once as a growing family and over this time we have gotten to know one another and really enjoy each other’s company. We don’t get to see one another as often as we would like but the time is always well spent. Rob’s nerdy sense of humor always makes me giggle and Julianne has compassion and understanding for all things family related. She and I share much in common when it comes to our family dynamics. It’s nice to know this amazing family is in our lives. Again, I am behind in my blogging as this session was done back in February at the height of our rainy season. The rain proved to bring a ton of gorgeous green our way for a short time and as you can see from this photos, it was just starting to bloom and cast color over our normally brown landscape. Although I do love our sunny days, I relished in all the green around me this year.

Ever since my dad moved in I’ve been wondering what will happen to me, to him, to my life with my husband and beyond. Some days I get very sad about all of it. I’m sad because my dad’s health is in decline and because getting older is tough. I’m sad because instead of delighting in raising a family of my own, I am steadfast with my father knowing that one day will be our goodbye. I’m sad because while I live in this small world of everyday activities and errands, I have friends who I never see and friends who never call on me just to ask me how I’m doing. They all have excuses not to reach out because they all have families of their own but I guess that doesn’t necessarily make it okay. It’s just the way it is. I get bummed out about the whole thing and then other days it doesn’t bother me a bit. I tell myself it’s fine because I have everything I need right here. I have my husband, my dad, our dogs, my daily routine, my work and I even have my dad’s cat here to fill my time. Those days are the easy days for me. I wish for those days every time my head starts to hurt and my neck and shoulders tense up from stress. My husband and I were always the ones reaching out to plan get togethers with friends and family but I have reached the point of exhaustion and I no longer care to here the word no more often than not when we do try to plan something. I miss all the things about being surrounded by everyone I know and love. I miss knowing that I could call a friend at a moment’s notice and swing by to say hello. I even feel angry sometimes that all my friends with families of their own seem to forget that there will always be a pang of sadness inside me when I see them with their families. I am not writing all of this stuff to bum anyone out. My words are only musings that form in the in between moments of the day when the world gets quiet and I start to think too much. My inner self is a worrier. My outer self is a dynamic goof ball hell bent on having…

I am a dog person through and through. I have had a dog in my life since I was very young and even after the heartbreak of losing our Rusty and Sophie, we continue to have dogs in our lives. After Sophie died I resolved to just have one dog, one very weird dog we named Griffey which was very hard to accept in some ways. Griffey is sweet and he does have a gentleness to him but we surmise he was abused quite a bit living on the streets in Baja and unfortunately he is filled with anxiety in most situations outside our home. A hard pill to swallow when our two previous dogs followed us around the house, slept next to us on the couch as we watched tv and always greeted guests at our front door with a tail wag. I could do a whole blog about all of Griffey’s quirks but you get the idea. We were down in Baja back in January at Pretty Horses Ranch just south of Rosarito. I knew the owner, our friend Krystal had rescued a few puppies just before Christmas and other than seeing photos of them online and thinking they were totally cute, I didn’t think much of adopting one. That is until we were there and I saw them. By the time we came for a visit there was only one left up for adoption and she was the runt of the litter. Brave, adorable and loving with a big, fat puppy belly and then I held her and she fell asleep in my arms. I remembered what it was like to hold Rusty when he was just a little guy and how I used to carry him around on my arm everywhere. It made me think about Sophie and how she would do her groans as she got comfortable snuggled up next to you. I thought about Griffey and how even though I love him for the good dog he is that I also needed a sweet snuggle puppy in my life. I held her in my arms and squealed to Jesse that I wanted to take her home. All the while in the back of my mind wondering if it would be a big mistake. Jesse is always great. He was in from the moment I said I wanted her but he also knows me and…

Looking at these photos is bittersweet for me. Matt and Elena have been dear friends of ours for years. Just days after this session, they packed up the rest of their belongings and moved their family to Guam for the next three years. Of course the girls got together about a week before for dinner, drinks and what ended up being a late night full of laughter ending in tearful goodbyes. I may not have tons of girlfriends but the ones I have are amazing and precious. Elena is one of them and I hope I get to keep her for a good long time. I hear her laugh as I look at these photos again. Matt’s giggle is there too mixed with his unending knowledge for all things historic and native plant related. Emerson’s high pitched scream that could drive a mom to drink is there and just thinking about it makes me want to laugh because what can you do?! Nolan and his sweet nature and easy smile are something I wish I could have known more of before they left and I only hope that when and if they come back to San Diego I can somehow be part of his life. My dear friends, you are so far away but loved even more than you can imagine. Life is weird how it winds and pushes us but I am so fortunate to have our separate lives meet on that path. I’m crying typing this so I’m going to stop and remind you that I love you, I miss you and we will see one another again. Much love to you. My hope is that while you are on this crazy island adventure that your life is full of sunshine, delicious fruit, gorgeous sunsets and no typhoons.

I have known these two for years. I first met them through mutual friends and even though we didn’t always run in the same circles, I always enjoyed their company. I had the honor back in 2012 to photograph their wedding in Washington state. It’s been a gift over the years to continue providing photos for these two. It had been quite some time since I had last seen Jen when she contacted me to do this session. I was blown away by how gorgeous she looked on this day. She was wearing an absolute perfect dress for the occasion and both she and her baby bump were glowing. Johnny is always so sweet and loving with Jen and on several occasions as I was shooting he would just look at her and remind her how beautiful she looked. I share a common experience with these two concerning dogs. Jen and Johnny lost their beloved dog Buddy about 6 months or so before I lost my love doggy Rusty. Naturally dog lovers always end up with another dog despite the pain and sadness of losing one. After meeting their new dog Della, I am sure we STILL share a similar experience but now it’s because we both have silly, skittish dogs. My Griffey is our beautiful weirdo and Della is their little ball of cute nerves. She spent half the shoot happily following me around and the other half wanting me to back away. Too close, too close! I get it girl! I respect your need for space. Please enjoy these gorgeous photos of Jen, Johnny and their little Della.

As you can probably guess Bird Park is one of my go to spots for family sessions. It just a lovely little park not far from where I live, parking is always easy and the view of downtown is amazing. I was pleasantly surprised to find that mom and dad were both familiar with the park because at one time in their lives, before kids, they lived in University Heights. Clients get turned around a bit when it’s their first time to this park so it was great not to have to worry about that factor with this family. Booking this session was pure luck for me. I meet Andrea when I was at her house with a close friend of mine. Andrea is a rep for the most amazing company that sells children’s books. Of course I ended up buying a ton of books for my two nephews. A new client of mine who is also friends with my friend who had brought me to Andrea’s was also there. I had just done her family session the day before and she was giving tons of positive feedback about the experience. I am always so grateful for positive word of mouth but in the back of my mind I am always thinking that a potential new client may not even think twice about contacting me. You can imagine my excitement to book this family session! I really hope this family loves their photos and will be in touch as the years go by. There is a big part of me that remains a realist about booking new clients sessions. That part of me always tells myself this could be a one time thing and I may never hear from them again but I truly hope that I was able to create a fun experience for them and they feel they MUST come back to me again and again.

Forgive me if I keep this post brief. My life is in complete frustration today as I navigate through all the difficulties of caring for my father and his dementia. I look at these photos and think how much joy this family must experience having children in their lives. I’m sure there’s great frustration too but I like to think the smiles come much easier for them than they do for me on days like this one. I am grateful to have new clients and new families to photograph. I am grateful for the beauty in diversity and to experience the love shared between family members. I also like that they brought their dogs! This is all I want to do with my life. I just want to keep shooting, keep meeting families and keep creating a little piece of something fun that makes for a great memory when they look back on the photos. I hope that I was able to do this for Alexa and her family.