Diary

The Cradduck Family – Marian Bear Memorial Park, San Diego Family Photography

My dad and I just got back from a walk and he’s now fast asleep. I was thinking how hopeless I feel these days as I watch the dad I know slip away into most certain uncertainty. It made me feel very far away from the person who loves photography and loves her job and it made me wonder if parents have a somewhat similar feeling when raising children. For obvious reasons, I know caring for a parent and caring for a child isn’t quite the same but I imagine there are some similarities. Andrea and Jon are first time parents to a beautiful boy and as I looked back through these images I wondered if they have days of struggle. To look at the three of them in this perfect setting, they are beautiful but even behind beauty there must be some difficulty. Or maybe all those jokes comedians make about beautiful people are true! They’re just cruising through life! I guess I’m feeling a bit reflective today but honestly this is the one thing I think about most of all. Am I struggling in ways similar to a parent and if I am, how do I keep going? I know this sounds depressing and I promise you I’m okay. Caring for my dad just brings me to deep thought sometimes and it also brings me to go deep into a bottle of wine. That’s my favorite part, the wine! Don’t worry I’m not a drunk and I won’t be showcasing any daredevil moves on top of a bridge. Just putting it out there to see if I get any feedback. Although, who am I kidding?! I’m really not even sure anybody reads this blog! But just in case they do, I would like to put it out there that the Target box wine is pretty delicious and I would be happy to be paid to tell everyone how much I love it. I know, box wine, sounds kind of hillbilly. Wine has evolved so much over the years and now you can just buy it in a cardboard box and keep it protected in it’s own plastic bladder! Doesn’t that sound elegant?!! I’ve gone off course with this post. You see what wine does to me?! Even talking about it lifts my mood which brings me to my point. The day I meet with this family was quite…

I was thinking about the idea of perfection in terms of family photography. I remember when I first dipped my toes into the waters of family sessions oh so many years ago, I thought my job was to capture the perfect still of a family. You know, the one where mom, dad and kids are all perfectly posed smiling straight at the camera as if perfection is their last name. I soon learned that particular pose while beloved by most families is one of the most difficult poses to achieve. I also learned that spending most of my time during a session trying to get everyone i.e. the kids to sit still was my least favorite thing to do and so I put family photos in the category of something I was not interested in shooting. Over time I kept coming back to families and developed what I now consider the beautiful chaos of family life. In adjusting my shooting style I also adjusted my perspective on family photography. I love it now and it is very near and dear to my heart. I love the challenge of a cranky or uncooperative kid, the goofiness of family interaction and the opportunity to create something new. I strive for genuine real emotion and connection. I try to help mom and dad see that even though the children might not be doing what they see as their vision and instead understand that we are creating the view of what it is really like to be a family. Parenting is never what anyone thought it would be so why should the photos be any different, am I right?! Having said all this, the Shaw family has one of the most awesome little boys. He is kind, sweet and always camera ready so the line between perfection and chaos is very small. Mom and dad both love the experience of photos which is always much appreciated on my end and dad is always down to goof around. It’s pretty much my idea of fun when working. Plus we did this session in Balboa Park so I got to my ride my scooter to the shoot. I mean come on, is this a dream job or what?!

I was thinking this morning about travel and how when I was younger I wanted to travel any and everywhere for work as much as possible. I still love to travel for work but now I find as I age, I am more selective and my desire to combine work and travel has waned. I have shifted into wanting to travel for pleasure and time away. Of course I do make exceptions for clients I love and once in a lifetime occasions to shoot in places like Santorini. The Kugler family fall into that category of clients I love and it has become our unspoken agreement to trade off every year photographing in San Diego and Orange County. This was a San Diego year and knowing how much this family loves outdoors and nature settings we chose Marian Bear Park for an early morning session. I like to joke that I am a “lazy” photographer and will utilize a small area of space to create a variety of images. Truthfully, certain locations can be daunting with children in tow and I like to keep thing easy on everyone. Marian Bear is a gorgeous spot that can mean hiking in and discovering a beautiful clearing but then again offering up a hike to clients in their nice clothes isn’t always the perfect fit. My joke this year was that this family made that parking lot look good! Now that I’ve divulged all my secrets, tell me what you think! I just love this family and it’s a gift every time they call me up for another session.

I will keep this post short and sweet just like this session. I love a good referral and this was one for sure. Referrals mean good word of mouth and good word of mouth means I’m doing something right. My work revolves around confidence mixed with self doubt and anxiety so when I get a referral it really makes me feel good to know that a client was so happy with me and my work to pass along the info to a friend or family member. The Ochoa family chose a little park at the end of a beautiful drive through Otay Lakes in Eastlake. If we had more time I probably would have tried to drag them around the surrounding area of the lake because it was so gorgeous at sunset. They wanted to keep things simple and easy so we stay at the park. But honestly I don’t blame them for not wanting to travel too much. Two little girls and a baby on the way plus location changes can be a bit more than mom and dad bargained for when doing photos. Truthfully I like the challenge of working in a small area and using it in different ways. It keeps me on my toes! I’m excited for my next session in Eastlake this coming Saturday. I can’t wait to share even more photos!

This family is a very special one to me. Jesse and I met Roxanne years ago back when we were playing softball. Roxanne was not at all put off by my loud mouth and terrible jokes. In fact she told me later that she loved it. We became great friends despite her work schedule which immediately doused all her dreams of playing softball on our team once a week. The day they left San Diego was a sad one because I was losing my friend and turbo kickboxing partner. It seems that is the way it goes here in San Diego. The reason is always the cost of living or the inability to maintain steady work in your field of choice. Roxanne and Colin’s reason was the latter and it was hard to lose them. Over the years we have kept in contact with visits to them up north and many visits from them back here in San Diego. Ever since they started making babies we try to make time for photos. I didn’t get to see enough of them on their last visit due to a busted hot water heater at our house and a total meltdown from me about life in general. Luckily Roxanne is very understanding so I felt very blessed to have spent our Friday night together and to have a friend that gets it. These photos only show you how the first part of our evening went down. We spent the rest of our time hanging out, sharing some food and drinks, tellings stories and watching their two girls entertain my dad. I wished so badly to have them in my life here in San Diego permanently. Here’s to hoping that one day that wish comes true.

When my dad moved in with us he came with one absolute: his cat. Now I will admit that I am not technically a cat person. It’s not that I don’t love cute and furry animals. In fact, kittens are just about one of the most adorable of all the furry animals. It’s just that as kittens grow into cats, they lose something for me. I think it’s that casual aloofness they possess. The message that I could or could not live without you. I live my whole life seeking great approval from everyone I encounter despite my own abilities to dig my own grave. My personality needs a dog. I didn’t come to this realization the easy way. I begged my parents at ten years old to let me have a cat. And after much pleading, they gave me a cat. I had that maniac of a cat until I was well into my twenties and in that time I realized that I am not fully a cat person. I knew he would be my first and last cat. Now let me make it clear, I pass no judgement on those who would consider themselves cat people. I am merely admitting to my own personal observation about my preferences. I am reminded of this very observation now that I am once again living with a cat. My dad’s cat, who’s name is about the most uncreative or most creative name of all time, Big Cat is just about the most demanding animal I have ever encountered. My dad isn’t much for rules so you can imagine where this is going. Big Cat is very, very smart and he probably learned early that manipulating my dad wasn’t a difficult thing. When dad moved in that cat would stick his claws in my furniture or any bit of skin he could find on any one of us demanding food or to be let out. And I was like, oh hell no. Big Cat has a regimented eating schedule with one rule from me… stop sticking your claws in my furniture! And yes before you say it, he has a cat tree and scratching post. Beyond that I’m okay with him enjoying his life. Sometimes enjoying his life confounds me because his behavior reflects his attitude of pure disregard for anyone other than himself. A stark contrast to our dog Griffey who…

I’ve immediately started slacking on my goal to blog regularly. I’m already a handful of sessions behind. I blame myself and the day to day that I spend doing all the other stuff that needs to be taken care of around here. It feels like I’m treading water at times and I’m in some sort of tailspin just trying to do what I can. I’m sure most can relate on some level. I met up with this family at Cardiff State Beach for their session. We almost had to cancel because the entire family came down with nasty colds. It was especially a bummer because they had come in from out of town for a vacation so cancelling the session meant that a reschedule wouldn’t happen for some time. Fortunately they decided to roll out of bed and get dressed for an early morning romp on the beach. It ended up being a pretty great location because the cliffs provided enough shade before the sun fully came out to play. I like a morning session because it gets me up and out of bed and forces me to go, go, go. I come home rejuvenated and ready to tackle the rest of my day. Now if only I could have that kind of get up and go everyday. Perhaps more coffee?

I have had the good fortune of some wonderful word of mouth for a number of out of town clients in Arizona. Naturally, when these clients visit San Diego, they want to be near the beach. When Sarah reached out to me telling me about her family and their plans for vacation, I knew that meant only one thing. Beach. And beach we did! Over the last few days here in San Diego we’ve had what you might call “weather”. It almost sorta rained like two times and I’m pretty sure it rained while we were all sleeping on Thursday night/Friday morning. Whether it’s the promise of rain or rain itself, it creates amazing clouds in the sky which turns into gorgeous photos on the beach at sunset. I will admit that driving to Carlsbad for sunset isn’t something I look forward to because I know it comes with a good amount of additional time in the car during rush hour traffic. Yesterday was almost an hour and a half drive in bumper to bumper traffic. I passed the time by keeping my cool and flipping stations on Pandora. It somehow was perfection. I had some time to myself and I got to hear a ton of music I haven’t heard in years. I was almost too relaxed by the time I showed up in front of the hotel to meet the entire family. I was greeted with the standard apprehension paired with lots of smiles and hello’s. All concerns were immediately dashed away as we stepped onto the sand and began shooting. The tide had it’s own agenda yesterday. Combined with large waves, strong undertow and the desire to cover as much of the beach as possible with water, we were all forced to be soaking wet up to our thighs and just laugh at the whole thing. It was a divine way for me to work with a family. They gave themselves over to me and managed to enjoy each other as well as the beautiful scenery. The children have ruined me for life because they were so well behaved and accommodating I almost wandered if they were actually robots posing as children. In short, they were amazing. It was all amazing. Just when I start to think that perhaps my new life of caring for my father has far outweighed my love of photography this family comes…

I promised myself I would take some photos of my nephew Max this week and I did it! My dad and I had Max for about an hour and a half yesterday and I forced myself to pull out my camera and take a few snaps. He’s got the sniffles right now but you’d never know it from the way he is smiling for the camera. He’s such a happy go lucky little guy. I could learn something from him.

I find this post to be super unique because it’s something I would never think to photograph unless it involved friends. Sometime at the end of October/beginning of November in 2017 our close friend Kevin passed the bar after years of studying and hard work. I remember the moment distinctly because my dad was in town for a visit and we were just getting out of the car to go have dinner. When Jesse got out of the car, he did something like an oh my gosh sigh and of course I was all like, what what what is it?! Jesse says, Kevin passed the bar! He immediately calls Kevin, puts him on speaker and I just start squealing into the phone right there on the sidewalk. I remember Kevin’s wife Shana said she was sick that night but was delighted to hear our screams on the other end of the phone. Kevin was sworn in back in March of this year with a small group of friends and family by his side. Somehow Jesse and I made that list so you bet your ass I was bringing my camera! Kevin and Shana have become some of the best friends we could ask for and we have shared so many of the up’s and down’s of life with them. We understood very well the hardship they both endured through the process of Kevin becoming an attorney. Being in that courtroom watching Kevin swear in brought tears to my eyes. I felt all the the love in that room and I think it overwhelmed me. Plus I was beaming with pride to be part of such an intimate and special moment. I only brought one lens with me to take photos. I wasn’t really expecting for the judge to be so accommodating and allow me to move freely around the room but that’s exactly what she allowed me to do. It was kind of funny because I was being timid about moving around when Jesse flagged me over to him and informed me that I could go anywhere I wanted. I also think he was silently giggling at me being so scared about where I thought I could or couldn’t go. Take note of how cool the judge was because she brought Kevin cupcakes to celebrate his milestone. To my friends Kevin and Shana, I love you both. Please include me…